Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
