Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
