I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
