your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
