this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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