I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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