you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
did i just pee glitter
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
