She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dick very happy bro
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
