Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
