when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize