I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
