After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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