Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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