***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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