it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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