if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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