I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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