And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
