I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
