What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
