Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
