yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
