I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
