i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
