theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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