if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
