Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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