We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
