Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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