I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
