they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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