i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
