So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
