it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we're so committed to being not committed
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
