I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
