i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
