He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
