Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
