I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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