They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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