It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
