marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
