she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm at about main and main street
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
