So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
