omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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