My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
