is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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