I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
