i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
