a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
