Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
