She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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