i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
