Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
