on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
