I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
