Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
